


Thinking Out Loud

by YesIsAWorld



Series: Swallow My Words [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternative Perspective, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-10 04:16:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13494796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YesIsAWorld/pseuds/YesIsAWorld
Summary: Louis was just so proud of Harry, and loved showing him off. He daydreamed about getting to show him off to people other than his family more often than he’d admit, even to himself.





	Thinking Out Loud

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FullOnLarrie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FullOnLarrie/gifts).



> This was written for the POV prompt from the No Excuses fic writer's meme [on tumblr](http://louandhazaf.tumblr.com/post/169796900663/no-excuses-weme-askbox-version). "POV — something that’s already happened, retold from another character’s perspective."  
> [fullonlarrie](http://fullonlarrie.tumblr.com/) requested "Louis in SMW when Harry finds the acceptance letter and runs off." Unless you've read SMW then you won't know that Harry has found the acceptance letter at this point, but this is everything surrounding that moment, from Louis' POV. 
> 
> Forever thanks to [gettingaphdinlarry](http://gettingaphdinlarry.tumblr.com/) for cleaning this up for me. xx
> 
>  
> 
> **Please do not post this fic or any of my other fics on any other websites. I'm not currently allowing translations either. Thank you for respecting my wishes.**

Louis had an overwhelming need to just reach out and touch. Harry took a sip of his lemonade and put it back down. He must’ve felt Louis’ eyes tracking the movement because he turned to look. Harry covered his face with his hands. “What?” he whined.

“Nothing.” Louis said. He couldn’t contain a small giggle at how cute Harry looked. Harry peeked out from between his fingers, then dropped his hands. “You’re cute.” Louis bopped Harry’s nose with his finger, and a thrill went through him as Harry scrunched his nose. Louis couldn’t resist a quick kiss.

“Gross,” Fizzy whined. “Can’t you do that somewhere else, like your room?”

Louis had forgotten she was sitting there. It was a problem, the way Harry captured his full attention, the way the world fell away when Harry gave him attention. Louis flicked Fizzy off, even though technically they probably should remember to tone down the PDA in front of his sisters. “If you don’t like it, you can leave. We were here first.”

Fizzy scoffed. “Isn’t it almost like kissing your brother?” Brothers? Harry most certainly was not like… a brother. She laughed as she threw one of their mother’s fancy pillows at them. He could use that as ammunition against her later.

“Fine, I’ll leave you two alone. Even though I still think the kissing… and other stuff should happen in your room and away from my innocent eyes.” Louis rolled his eyes. She was so dramatic.

“Speaking of innocent eyes, you’re too young to know anything about ‘other stuff.’”

Louis was still scarred from when she had come to him demanding definitions to words she heard other kids using at school. Having The Sex Talk with his younger sister was something he never wanted to think about again. She left the room in a huff, rolling her eyes and acting as put out as possible.

Whatever. He was done hiding.

Louis tried concentrating on the movie after she left, but then Harry rearranged himself so he had his head in Louis’ lap and his legs stretched out along the couch. Louis tried desperately to not get hard, or at least not let on that he was hard once that failed, but he had such _a thing_ for Harry’s curls. And the purring Harry made as Louis scratched his nails against his scalp were so unintentionally sexy that Louis couldn’t really blame his body for reacting the way it did.

He loved these moments with Harry; being affectionate whenever he wanted was maybe the best thing about coming out to their families. Or, maybe, the best thing was not having to pretend to be disinterested in Harry’s accomplishments—breaking the schools’ record for assists that year—and bragging about his boyfriend’s talents instead. Louis was just so proud of him, and loved showing him off. He daydreamed about getting to show him off to people other than his family more often than he’d admit, even to himself.

“Hey.” Louis started speaking before he fully thought out what he was going to say, and tugged one of Harry’s curls as he ordered his ideas. “Coming out to them wasn’t so hard.”

“I suppose. 

Louis expected Harry to say a little more, but he fell silent again, watching whichever number _Fast and Furious_ movie was on.

“Whatdya mean?” Louis finally asked.

“Hm?”

There was a crease between Harry’s eyebrows and Louis didn’t know why. “Can’t tell if you’re engrossed in the movie or disagreeing with me.”

“A little of both, actually.”

Louis couldn’t concentrate on the movie. This was the first he was hearing about Harry’s… he didn’t even know. Struggles? With telling their families. He knew it took a while for Harry to feel comfortable with it. But he never got the impression that he didn’t want to do it, after he made up his mind, or that he regretted it since. Louis thought the whole thing went flawlessly. He didn’t have a clue what Harry was thinking about. “Yeah? You thought it was hard?”

There was a beat of silence until Harry said, “It turned out alright.” He fumbled with the remote until he hit the mute button.

Harry seemed to be saying that he didn’t want to come out. That maybe he wasn’t ready and Louis pushed too hard. Harry should’ve said something if he didn’t want to come out when they did. Had Harry really had reservations about how their family was going to react? “Of course it did.” Louis wrapped the curl he was playing with tightly around his finger, watching it dig into his finger. Harry winced and Louis stopped moving.

“It’s awesome that it did. And I wasn’t too worried. But it was still like… what if it didn’t.”

Louis freed his finger from Harry’s hair. “You, were really worried about that?”

“Yeah.” Harry moved again, this time sitting criss-crossed facing Louis. He looked as confused as Louis felt. “You weren’t?”

“Always knew it’d be fine,” Louis said.

“Oh.”

They sat there for a moment, not quite making eye contact.

Harry asked, “Why?”

Because of our friends and family? “They all love Uncle Mikey and Brian. And Katie and Lauren at the bakery.” Because they’ve never given us a reason to think they would ever stop loving us. Because they’re socially liberal despite how fiscally conservative they seem. Because Louis apparently didn’t assume the worst about people. “Dunno, didn’t seem like they’d care.”

“No, I mean, why are you asking.”

Oh.

How had they gotten on this topic. Right. Louis wanted to show Harry off. He knew prom was the off the table. He had always known. Didn’t stop him from hoping though. He stood up in a not-so-subtle attempt to change the subject. “Popcorn?”

“No.” Harry shook his head then looked back at the TV. “I mean. Yes. But not until you tell me what’s going on.”

No reason why he shouldn’t confirm his fears. Then he could go make them a snack. He felt himself deflate. “Prom. Everyone’s—”

Harry face went from mildly confused to total panic between blinks. “No.” Harry was in front of him in a flash, eyes wide and jaw tense. He clutched at Louis’ hands, it was almost painful how hard he gripped. “I love you, baby. I really do. But no. That’s not—no.”

Even knowing that was going to be the answer didn’t soften the blow. “Okay.” Louis needed space. That was… Harry’s face was… he was horrified at the idea.

And of course he should’ve known that Harry would follow him. He could never just get a fucking minute to himself to just think. Harry’s footsteps were getting closer. “You get it, right?”

Harry clutched Louis’ arm until he yanked it free. There wasn’t much to _get_. Louis’ friends were going to prom—which everyone seemed to think was one of the most important nights of their lives—with crushes they barely knew or rocky relationships that were definitely going to end over the summer, and the love of Louis’ life didn’t want to go with him. “Completely.”

The muscles in Harry’s jaw ticked. “Great.”

Louis buried his head in the pantry. He needed to cool off, but Harry was still right there, tense and agitated, and there was no escape. All Louis wanted was to— _one time_ —feel like he got to have a normal high school experience without the questions and the pitying looks and having to keep the most important thing in his life a secret. He loved Harry so much that it was physically painful sometimes to lock it away instead of raving to anyone who would listen. He shoved cereal boxes and bags of chips around, trying to find the popcorn. He knew they had some in there. And it was the jerks on his team. Louis knew it was. They were such assholes and Louis wanted to punch them in the face for how much pain they caused Harry. 

Louis threw a box of Teddy Grahams on the floor and just barely stopped himself from stomping on it. “I just think it’s funny how you act like you’re so proud and strong, yet you won’t stand up to those assholes. And you’re supposed to be their captain.” He said it louder than he meant; he needed to release some anger and those nitwits weren’t worth this amount of anger, but no one should make Harry feel like less than the most special person on earth.

“Yeah, real fucking funny, Lou.”

Louis tapped his forehead against a shelf. He took a deep shuddering breath and steadied himself for an apology. He shoved his shaking hands into the pockets of his sweats.

“H,” he said as he turned back to the kitchen. “That’s—”

The kitchen was empty. And then the front door slammed. “H!” Louis ran to the foyer and threw open the front door. “H! Wait!” Louis’ shoes weren’t at the bottom of the pile next to the door. Of course he had picked up after himself on account of Harry coming over for their date. He took the stairs two at a time and all but dove into his closet to find some sneakers. He found two, mismatched, slid his feet in sans socks, and was downstairs and out the door without tying them.

“Harry!” The street was empty. Louis swung his head back and forth looking for any sign of which direction he may have walked. “Harry!” He shouted one more time in the hope that Harry’d return. 

He stumbled back inside, and up to his room. With trembling hands called Harry’s phone; over and over again, hanging up each time Harry’s deep ‘Hey. Um. You’ve reached Harry…’ answered, until finally it went straight to voicemail.

Someone knocked quietly on his door. “Everything okay?” his mother asked. 

There was a knot in his throat and he pressed his palms against his eyes. He opened his mouth to answer but knew a sob was going to escape before he could answer. He shoved his face into his pillow and hoped it was muffled enough that she couldn’t hear. “Lou?” His mom sounded worried. 

Louis quickly swallowed down another sob and said, “Yeah, mom. Everything’s fine.” 

“Okay,” she said. He stuffed the wet pillow back in his mouth. “If you need me,” she continued, “you know I’m here.”

“Yep,” he squeaked. 

He crawled into bed clutching his phone, clothes still on, and tried calling Harry again. 

**Author's Note:**

> [Here's a shareable tumblr link if you liked it! xx](http://louandhazaf.tumblr.com/post/170185915833/title-thinking-out-loud-author-yesisaworld)


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